It seems that I always (Well. Once) post at this time of year with the aim of keeping positive. Also, for saying thank you.
This time it’s your turn. Thank you all so much for your kind words and well wishes for my current health issues. When it rains it pours, and it’s definitely pouring at the moment. But your lovely messages kept me warm and fuzzy inside, as always. Anyway, I’ve got some updates for you. First for the funny.
I posted here about my bickering with a puddle, and the victory of said puddle. For those who missed it, I managed to fall of a kerb and got a lot of puddle on my face. Still better than egg I think. I managed to recreate my holiday injury and hurt my ankle and knee. As the week went on it still wasn’t getting better. Worryingly, it was getting worse. The Mother very kindly took me to our local minor injury unit on Saturday and this was the result…
You have my permission to hoot. The Mother did. Luckily we had a very short wait an I was all done in an hour. I was then left to my own devices with The Boot.
It goes my two names. Either My Kicking Boot, or The Boot of Desire. Either way it’s a pain. It’s big and heavy and I never quite know what it’s up to. Apparently it’ll do me some good. Nothing broken, nothing chipped, but they are worried about my ligaments, so I need to go back for further scans and probably physio. Not a bad plan really when that ankle obviously hates me. Anyway, The Boot and I will keep you posted.
The bigger news is about my op. At the time of writing, I should be having my final meal, taking meds, getting an early night and generally trying to calm down about the situation. After finally finding the courage to tell the wider world, I now have to report that it’s not happening. I haven’t miraculously recovered, it’s just been cancelled. I found out on Friday, a mere 6 days before it was meant to happen. Everything was booked, I’d arranged helpers for the aftermath and I was starting to feel calmer about being cut open. Safe to say this news left me in a bit of a mess. Not just about the plans, but emotionally I was gone. Shut up shop. No more customers today.
It might sound silly, but it’s a lot to get your head around this going in for an operation business. What if something went wrong. What about the pain the other side. You have to think of all these things. And now I have to build myself back up again for next time. I’m angry and frustrated. More than anything I’m sick of having my life on hold. We’ve been waiting for this like a big milestone. Once it’s over we can do things like fix the house, make future plans and more importantly start a family. Or at least start thinking about starting a family. All that’s on hold again. For an unknown period of time. More than that, I’ve been in pain for 2 years and I’m getting tired of it. It felt like a huge loss. I think I’m grieving for all that extra wasted time, I’m still on the edge of tears for most of the time.
I don’t often use this blog as a counsellor, so apologies for getting heavy. Maybe doing this will help. Maybe it’ll get all the tears out. Who knows. Maybe I’ll start to feel more positive. Because at the moment that’s all I have left. I can’t change anything. There’s nothing that I can work on, no plan I can put into action. Again, another frustration. All I can do is think about the positives and maybe this will make me feel better. Maybe if I write it down here I’ll convince myself.
I haven’t come up with a lot yet. Firstly, it’ll give me time to build up some finance. As I’ve only just started a new job, I only get a months sick pay. I managed to put an extra months worth of bills by last month, but it crippled me. Crippled on top of an already shaky balance from the job swap. Definitely some worth in being a bit more stable.
Secondly, I won’t miss so much of Spring. This was a real concern. Things are starting to bud and get green here. I worried that I would wake up after my time as a blob and find out that I’d missed all the new smells and everything growing. My cherry fruit tree has lots of little buds on it. I thought it was dead, so that’s nice. The flowery cherry trees are all starting to do their thing, already leaving dusty carpets of white and pink underneath. It always reminds me of icing sugar. If I was to ever go on Bake Off, I think I’d try and make a cherry tree.
Thirdly, can you imagine trying to get around while stitched back together with The Boot on?!? No, not ideal.
So there we have it. Apologies again for letting the mess spill out all over the keyboard. Now you know how Himself feels. If you can see any positives I haven’t yet thought of, please let me know. I need more cards to play. In the meantime, I’ve decided to buy some yarn to make myself feel better.
Yarn always helps doesn’t it?
I wish I’d stopped to take pictures of the beautiful packaging, but I just couldn’t wait. Even the ball band is on message. Great joined up branding.
I’ve only recently found Beehive yarns. Annoyingly just after she finished a Sofia Coppola sock yarn club. Go have a look, they took my breath away. This one’s called ‘More Than Marigold’, which is an off-dye from another range. I very much like this idea. Undoubtedly there must be testers and unavoidable mishaps when creating these things. (A metaphor for my current state maybe?) Why not market these as rarities, they’re no less beautiful. The yellows and greens together are just wonderful. It’s making me think of Spring. The yellow is so strong, like early morning sunshine on daffodils. I do like a yellow that can stand up for itself.
Obviously these’ll be a pair of socks eventually and I’ll let you know how it works up. Probably awesome though.
In the meantime, keep positive pawb.
Much love xx
EDIT: I’ve thought of another one! This definitely means that I can go to Wonderwool. And not in a wheelchair either! (Although maybe I could get away with it with The Boot?) If anyone is heading there let me know, we can get some cake. If not, I’ll of course be writing all about it.